


Maybe You're The Reason Why.

by neonnleon



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Emo, M/M, Multi, Opposites Attract, Sexual Confusion, Slow Burn, theres a "soundtrack" to go along with it; aka songs in certain chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:28:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25060123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neonnleon/pseuds/neonnleon
Summary: AU where Dan and Phil are both in high school, and dan is the "queerest kid in school", according to his classmates, while Phil, on the other hand, is a little more reserved and highly closeted. He envies Dan, because Dan is just so.. open, and perfect to everyone else. But, after Phil is forced to be Dan's science partner in a 2-week long project, he realizes he might not envy Dan anymore, instead, he might want to be with him.
Relationships: Dan Howell & Phil Lester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter One: Edgelord Phil.

**Author's Note:**

> hiya! this is my first "official" fic, so it might be a little bad, but i hope you enjoy nonetheless :]

6:03 AM. Phil Lester is awoken to the sound of his alarm, instantly shaking him awake and causing him to bang his head on the bed frame above him. Even though his brother Martyn had moved out at least a year or two prior, they kept the bunk bed the two had, as Phil would move out soon enough, so it’d be pointless to remove it.  
“ Ouch. Fuck!” Phil exclaimed, while rubbing his forehead. He pushed his morning quiff aside and rolled out of bed, practically blind without his glasses on. After a minute of mindlessly searching for his glasses, he sleepily walked down the hall towards the bathroom, to be greeted with a red mark on his forehead.  
It wasn’t too much to worry about for him though, his classic fringe could easily cover that shit up.  
Ah yes, Philip’s “classic” as he called it, an emo fringe placed ever so neatly over his beautiful blue eyes, paired with a school uniform he hated. A white button up with a bright red tie and some black trousers. He could never forget the mismatched socks, the only thing that took away from his edge. He gave himself this “edgy” persona, but let’s be real, that was the hair talking.

After spending five minutes just admiring how clean the fringe looked today, he sighed and headed downstairs to say his goodbyes.  
To keep up with his oh-so-edgy persona, Phil had 2 friends **_max_** , Chris and Megan, the other edge emos willing to hangout with him. Phil didn’t necessarily struggle in school, he averaged C+’s to B+’s, so not horrible. He was your basic “in-betweener”, as people called him. Phil was okay with being called that though, as he didn't enjoy popular people, and he never strived to hold such a high status, which would ultimately mean nothing in 2 years.  
As Phil was reflecting on his life, and mindlessly worrying about today's science project, the bus had arrived. He hopped quietly on the bus and shoved his headphones in, playing Robbers by the 1975, staring at the window and letting the lyrics take him in.

> “ I _ **’ll give you one more time,**_  
>  _ **We’ll give you one more fight.**_  
>  _ **Said, one more lie.**_  
>  _ **Will I know you?”**_

Phil sunk a little into the seat, as this song gave him fond memories, of something he was yet to have.


	2. Chapter Two: Hopeful Surprises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heya! Sorry the chapters may seem short, I hope that's not a bad thing :>. anyways, i'll stop the notes for now. Happy reading!

Phil got off the bus, and sighed deeply, as today they were starting a new 2-week project in science , and the teacher had already assigned partners yesterday, but was revealing them today. This sent phil into a slight annoyance, and panic. Sure, he didn’t really like anyone in his school, but he knew if he was going to be set up with anyone, it damn well shouldn’t be Dan Howell. Ah yes, Daniel James Howell. The “queerest kid in school”, as he was nicknamed.

Dan was very, **VERY** openly gay, but that wasn’t what attracted people to him, it was his kind heart, and his generosity. Of course, his looks probably had a portion too, with his flowing brown hobbit curls, his soft brown eyes that remind some of a teddy bear, his lovely dimple and soft skin, need i go on? Dan was all that and more, but phil envied him, _badly_. Why? Well, Phil was gay too, but he was too afraid to even admit that to himself, and even if he knew, he wasn’t ready to be open and just let the entire world know. But, maybe Phil just wanted to be liked to, to have everyone all over his sleek black hair, and his oceanic blue eyes that hold an overflow of secrets within them, like an old house with stories wrapped around it.

  
Shaking that thought out of his head, he walked into the school, and headed straight for the outside patio, to find both Chris and Megan sitting there, chatting away.  
“Hello ladies..” Phil started, giggling and sliding onto the bench.

  
“Well well well, look who it is! Edgelord of the year!” Chris jokingly announced, elbowing Phil with a soft laugh.

  
Phil always liked Chris’s laugh, it gave him a sense of security, and sure, Chris was his first guy crush, but that was years ago, he was waaay past that now, right?  
Getting interrupted in his thoughts, Megan began to ramble.

“Look at him, Chris! Isn’t he just... i don’t know, hot?!” She exclaimed, pointing at PJ, who was sitting across the patio with Dan and Tom. Phil cringed, sure PJ was attractive, but hot?! He didn’t think so, so he just laughed.  
“Hmm.. and what’re YOU laughing at Lester?” Megan shot a glare at him, nudging him.

  
“Oh- Hm. Nothing really Megan, I just don’t get how you find PJ that attractive!”, he turned to her to see her jaw drop and look at him like he’s crazy.  
“Are you kidding me?! Look at his glasses, sweater, hair, aughh!! That whole friend group is so hot man, I’d let him ri-“, she was cut off abruptly by Chris.  
“That’s enough Megan! Sheesh, it’s only 7:15 in the morning, no horny jokes yet, and besides, we should get going to first period.”

  
Megan and Phil both agreed, and they all set off to first period. Phil was feeling his soul sink into the abyss, as he walked into science awaiting a doomed fate. He watched as the other students walked in, one by one. Then, of course, Dan came in and smiled and waved to everyone, even Phil. Phil shot him a half-assed “smile” back, and sighed. A couple minutes later, the bell rang and they did their morning daily’s, before the teacher was eager to announce the partner pairs she had planned.  
“Well, good morning again class!” The teacher, Mrs.Anderson spoke, pushing her glasses up from her nose.

  
Mrs.Anderson was always a bit awkward in Phil’s eyes, with her khaki-colored skirts, blue v necks, and her thin rectangle glasses. She always wore her blonde hair in a tightly packed bun, and had very “nude” makeup on. Despite Phil analyzing her outfit choices , she was starting to announce the pairs.  
“Okay! So first, Tyler.. you’re with Ethan, Sean, you’re with Charlie...”, she did this for about a minute or so, so phil drowned her out until he heard his own name.

>   
>  “Alright, and Phil... you’re with... _**Dan**_!”, She smiled and gestured Phil towards Dan.

  
Phil felt something die inside of him when he heard that, he had to spending 2 fucking weeks with this _over-the-top annoying bi_ -. Phil got stopped in his heated rant, as he looked up to see Dan standing right in front of him, grinning.

“Hi! Sorry if I interrupted you in thoughts or anything, I just assumed you wanted me to come over here instead to work with you.” Dan smiled at Phil as he pulled up a chair and was awaiting for Phil’s response.  
 _“For fuck's sake.”,_ Phil thought to himself, not even knowing the rollercoaster this partnership was about to put him on.


	3. Chapter 3: A Change of Feeling.

"Phil, it's only been _two days_. It cannot be "eternal hell", as you described in your rant last night.", Chris huffed, shaking his head, looking at Megan for a backup. Megan was about to respond, only to be interrupted by Phil, 

"Okay, well you aren't working with Dan, are ya Chris?", Phil huffed, looking as if he's been tortured by an army of toddlers for two days. 

"Well no, but don't you think you're being just a little too ha-" 

"Chris! Don't even get me started. Who the hell is so happy like him all the time? I mean Jesus, what? Is he the human embodiment of the sun? I mean AAAGH he's just so-" 

Megan started to giggle, confusing Phil.

"Wha- What's so damn funny Mega-" 

Phil felt his face get hot as he turned his head ever so slightly to see a _hand_ touching his shoulder. He immediately went into a gay panic, as he thought it was this senior who he always thought was _hot_ , but he never acted on it. As a million thoughts raced through his mind, the spell was broken by none other than- 

"Dan! What a... nice surprise!", Chris choked out, glaring at Phil. Phil felt his face grow even redder, as his heart was pounding so fast and so hard you could almost see it. 

"Well, howdy science buddy! Oh, and hello to all of his friends too.. hehe." Dan let out a very pleasant smile, that Phil could feel in his brain as Dan put his head on top of his. 

> _Dan put his head on top of his._

After a few moments of silence, and odd looks shared between Chris, Megan, and Phil, Dan jolted up and spoke, to break the silence before it got awkward.

"Well... I'll be going now, see you soon _Philly_." Dan smirked as he walked off, letting his hand run across Phil's back, making Phil nearly squeal in his seat. 

"So, got a boyfriend there now, huh? What about the hatred? Where did that go?", Chris chuckled, rubbing a hand up and down Phil's arm. 

"H-he's not my boyfriend Chris..", Phil looked defeated and confused, and he wondered what feelings he held now. 

Megan felt a little sorry, so she elbowed Chris and went over to Phil,

"Hey, it's okay if you like him Phil, you know we accept that kind of thing in our group." she whispered, as the trio felt the air thicken around them, and so, they split up and headed to class. Phil was just in utter disbelief a single hand changed his whole body and mind. 

_a hand. a single hand touched his shoulder and shot fireworks through his heart._

> * * *

Phil was so nervous, why was he feeling this way? He was supposed to hate Dan, but he felt so _fucking_ starstruck by a single movement that meant nothing and everything, so why was he getting all pent up about it? Why was Phil spending so much time on it? Why was Phil so obsessed over-

> "Hi." 

Phil felt it again. The fireworks shooting through his heart, but this time a whole damn carnival was going on inside of his heart. Phil was looking at someone who he thought was so beautiful for once. Wait, he thought _Dan,_ his "sworn enemy" was beautiful? That doesn't make any-

"Hello? Philll? Are you there?! We've got to work _sometime_ you know.", Dan let out a hearty laugh and put all the supplies on the table, as Phil tried to clear his mind and let himself work. 

> _What in the HELL was I thinking?_
> 
> * * *

It was finally the end of the day, Phil could now just go home and escape _this_ and just jerk off to like Buffy or something right? Anything to keep his heterosexuality right? 

_Dan._

_Dan Dan Dan, only Dan._

That name repeated in poor ol' Lester's head over and over, leaving him with a seemingly never-ending headache. He was strolling along fine, about to make it to the bus line when-

> _There he was. Daniel Fucking Howell._

Phil just felt himself stare, and continue to stare, as the song he was playing went on, he started to take in the lyrics a little more, but he also took in Dan a little more too.

> _" you're an angel.._
> 
> _in disguise."- Angel by FINNEAS._

* * *

Phil was home now, or had been for hours, but he generally had paid attention to absolutely nothing but Dan and his stupid adorable brown locks and his teddy bear eyes and his-

"GAAH!" Phil shrieked, as he threw himself into a pillow and started to scream. He needed to tell someone about this. _Now._

He picked up his phone, and was deciding who he could text, as he had to be careful about this. He didn't want to reach that territory with Chris of talking about his sexuality, especially with Phil's past feelings for him hanging in the air, so he decided Megan was the better choice, as what she had said earlier stuck with him.

P: _heyo_

 _M:_ Haii Phil! What's goin on :D

P: look, i know earlier you said you accept that kind of thing so,, i-i need help.

M: Ohemgee!! Of course Philly;) Anything for ya, sooo.. is it Dan?!

P: I-I think i'm growing feelings for dan but it's so confusing because i'm supposed to be like super effing jelly or whatevs and im not ???

M: Hehehe~ Phil has a crushieeee!! Don't worry. secret's safe with me, it's fine that you fancy him Phil, he's cute as helll. ;) I won't steal him tho, D: he's all yours :]. I'll.. work some things out. 

P: work some things out?!

P; hello?!

P; megan i swear to effing god if u say anything to him ur dead. love u bye. 

Phil sighed, shut his phone off and went to sleep. 


	4. Special Surprises..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is internalized homophobia mentioned in this so just be aware ty ly bb

Phil woke with a motion sickness, as he was practically being shaken awake by his mother. 

"PHILIP MICHAEL LESTER!! WAKE UP THIS INSTANT, YOU'VE ALREADY MISSED FIRST AND SECOND PERIOD FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!"

"H-huh? What do you mea.." Phil stuttered out, squinting to check his phone. 

> 9:15 AM

"oOHHH SHIIT!!! I'M LATE?!" Phil sprung up, once again hitting his head without realization, and turning to his mother.

"First, don't use that language in this household, and secondly, YES! Did you go to bed late or something?! You're late, _again._ You know, if you're having issues like Martyn was, you can just tell us." His mother looked at him worryingly, sighing to herself.

"Look, I'm not gonna make you go, but if you really want to, you're gonna have to walk yourself, sorry Phil.", she kissed his temple and left the room.

Phil sat there looking heavily disheveled, did he seriously go to bed that late?! He took a look at his phone again and... _oh._

**Megan:** PHILL!! Where iz u?? D: Chris isn't here and I'm awkwardly staring at PJ... please hurrryyyy!!

**Megan** : Ok seriously phil... where u at?? i know ur bus already came, because Louise is here so.. text me??

**Chris:** hey.. won't be there today, tell meg? thankz xoxo

Well shit. Phil left Megan all alone, but was that why he had a sinking feeling in his chest about missing school? Or was it because of-

No. No, he could never. What was he thinking last night? Phil could never hold feelings for another.. man. That was disgusting right? Phil started to run his hands through his hair and cry, because he wasn't ready to face his own sexuality, so why the _fuck_ did he tell Megan?! He had to tell her he changed his mind quick before she-

> **Unknown:** Heya! This.. is Phil's number, right? ^_^

Phil looked down, teary eyed and confused, who the hell had his number?! He thought about the numerous possibilities it could've been until- 

No, no it couldn't have been, could it? Megan wouldn't have actually- oh God. He wasn't there to find out so how would he know? Phil sighed, rubbed his head, and decided to text back to get his mind off of his building problems. 

**Phil:** uhh.. yeah? who's this? 

**Unknown:** Oh, right, sorry! Dan! You know, from your science class.. Well anyway. Megan gave me your number because she said it would be "important for the future", or something, LOL. Anyway, I'll text back in a bit, don't wanna get caught~ :P

"Of fucking course, _Megan.",_ Phil thought to himself, dropping his phone on his chest secretly thanking her. He'd have to give her an earful later, though.

* * *

Phil was lying awake staring at the bed-frame above him, it was a Friday night, and he was being lame sitting here in bed. But then again, what else would he do? He was kind of emotionally drained though, he had spent the last hour on the phone with Megan while he yelled at her for giving his number to Dan, while she teased him and they talked about each other's days. He left out his minor breakdown, though, as he knew that no one should know about that. 

Phil was just listening to some music, a lot of The 1975, but some Muse, thinking about all the universe has brought to him, when his screen lit up. He thought it'd just be Chris or Megan, but it wasn't.

**Daniel:** Hiii Phil! I don't mean to bug you if you're asleep, that's fine. I'm just restless tonight, and PJ & Tom already went to sleep :[. 

Phil felt his heart flip over and over, of course Dan wasn't bugging him, he could never do that, at least not anymore. Wait- if dan was 'restless' why would he text _him?_ Why not one of his million of friends? With these thoughts having a NASCAR race in his head, he texted back. 

**Phil:** lol hey! you aren't bugging, dw. i'm restless too.. though it's a friday night so sleep is for the weak am i right? ;)

"God Phil you're such an idiot he's not gonna laugh at that.." Phil thought to himself, facepalming. 

**Daniel:** LMFAOOO Phil :D See, I knew you were funny!! I laughed at that for longer than I should have, but I'm glad I have another night owl to spend time with. Anyways, I should go to sleep before my mum and dad yell at me for being awake at "ungodly" hours :T. night night Philly! :)

> night night Philly!

"This adorable motherfucker." Phil whispered to himself as he laid there smiling, until he finally drifted off to sleep. 


	5. Fuzzy Memories and Dark Closets.

Phil awoke pretty early for once, but it wasn't a school day, so what was the point? 

"Eugh.. It's only 8:30 in the morning, can't I sleep in for longer?.." Phil rolls around in bed, groaning, only to be interrupted by his father walking by with a laundry basket.

"Nope, sorry Philip! I was gonna wake you up soon, but it seems you woke yourself up. We're going to see Martyn soon, so get dressed yeh?", Nigel continued his walk as Phil sighed and sat up. They were going to see Martyn today, _wonderful._ Phil didn't hate Martyn, obviously, but his brother was a little.. out of character. Some of his comments, gestures, were a bit negative towards Phil, especially because Phil wasn't _technically_ out yet... to anyone, and seeing Martyn might make him unsure if he'll ever be. 

After Phil reluctantly threw himself out of bed, he put on a grey sweater and some black skinny jeans, as he took in a deep breath and prepared for a full day. 

The car ride to Martyn's house wasn't half bad, besides Phil's rising anxiety, the greenery on the way to Wales was beautiful, and he wished he could see it more often. Phil was starting to doze off to the soft green grass, and in the back of his mind imagined a picnic on the fluffy fields... with none other than-

> _bzzt.. bzzt.. bzzt_

"H-huh?" Phil jolted awake, mumbling, wonder what in the _hell_ woke him up- or who in the hell for that matter. He slipped his phone out of his pocket to see..

**Martyn:** Psyched to see you, bro! *Attachment, 1 image.* (1 min. ago..)

"Of course it was Martyn.." Phil mumbled to himself in his head, chuckling at the picture of Martyn in sunglasses with a thumbs up. Phil scrolled through his notifications mindlessly until-

 **Daniel:** Hiii! You know- right now my mom's about to take me down to Cheshire for a little visit.. I'm super excited! What are you up to today? :)

Phil's heart skipped a beat.. no, multiple beats actually. He felt the smile creeping on his face as he wrote a response.

 **Phil:** heheh.. sounds exciting! i'm omw to see my bro.. not terribly excited but it is what it is :>

He slipped his phone back in his pocket, and started to gaze off again- but before even a minute had passed Dan responded.

 **Daniel:** Oohh.. why not? I'm not close to my brother either, but it's okay! Here, look at this pic of me in front of a statue to distract you ;) *Attachment: 1 Image*

Phil giggled, the picture was REALLY cute... maybe he'll save it to smile at later... should Phil send a picture back? In his car? No.. that's too weird. Getting wrapped up in his thoughts again, as usual, eventually they had arrived at Martyn's small home. 

"Alright Philly, we've arrived! No more boring car ride, eh? Could you grab that gift bag for me? It's meant for Martyn. Thanks." His dad waved him off, as Phil sighed and prepared himself for a long rest of the day.

* * *

TW: slight homophobia and transphobia. Be forewarned. To skip those sentences- There'll be a star before each remark and a star when it ends. 

* * *

"Ayo! Hello fam, and Philleh of course!" Martyn smiled and shoved Phil into an embrace. Phil wasn't much for affection, so he felt a bit uncomfortable by it. Phil let go and looked around the place, a bit dingy, but cute nonetheless. While it was filled with workout equipment, Phil felt it was once a home to an elderly couple.. the walls gave off the vibes. His parents were about to start the meal prep, as they were eating dinner at Martyn's, and it would take hours as it was a special feast, and it was about 12:10 at this point. He sighed and sunk into one of Martyn's small, white living room chairs, and checked his phone again. Double texts, eh?..

 **Daniel:** It's been a bit since I sent my last text, I'm an annoying double texter.. I apologize. But, I hope your visit to your brother is alright, yeah? If you need anything.. I'll send dog pics ;). Anyway, I saw this song and it made me think a little.. maybe of you, but that's not my secret to tell. Take a listen when you can, xx.

"XX?!" Phil almost screamed, but he decided he'd check out the song later, he heard Martyn calling him for dinner.

Dinner with the Lesters was always a _treat,_ especially when Martyn was around. It made Phil want to be closeted for the rest of his life, and run away to the suburbs of London with his boyfriend. But, he suffered it nonetheless. Phil took a deep breath and sat down, expecting the usual from Martyn, ** a few homophobic remarks towards him, dismissing trans people, the rest. ** Phil wished Martyn wasn't like this, but the area he attended school in wasn't so great. 

"So, any girlfriend yet Phil? You're what.. in year 10, yeah?" Martyn poked, making Phil roll his eyes.

"Nope. No girlfriend yet Martyn, maybe I should focus on school first?" Phil choked out, the gayness seemingly shying itself away. 

** "Ah, what are ya then? A homo?" Martyn scoffed, letting out a hearty laugh. Phil felt everything inside of him die. That's really what he was, wasn't he? A homo. A goddamn homo. **

"Martyn. That's not funny to joke about, you know. There's nothing wrong with being a homosexual." Kathryn snapped back, giving a disapproving look. That made Phil feel a bit at ease- maybe his family was finally accepting, maybe he'd finally have a chance to- No. He wasn't ready yet. How did Dan do it so well, so easily? He had to ask. 

Phil asked to leave the dinner table for a quick restroom break, and ran in there as fast as he could with the thought still fresh in his head,

 **Phil:** dan... emergency. i want a storytime. how were you able to just be out and open so.. _well_? like seriously, it's crazy. if you're comfy.. you should totally tell me. thanks man x.

"WHY DID I SEND AN X!?", Phil went into ultimate panic waiting, until the typing bubble finally stopped. 

**Dan:** Alrighty Philip, this is gonna be a long one so sit tight. 

Phil braced himself to read,

 **Dan:** Well, first off, my mom is _WAYYYY_ more accepting than my dad. She understands, and loves me the same. (tells me God loves me too). My dad, however, did NOT accept, and was pretty harsh about it in fact, so I'm scared to see him again. But, I'll be honest. It's not always easy you know. Sure, I'm the "golden boy", the "man of the hour", whatever you want to call me, but in reality, I'm still a scared little boy. Coming out young wasn't easy, as those intruding thoughts still took place. Over time, though, it just got better, and so, so much easier. Even with the rough days, I make it. So, yeah. My life may not be "perfect", but I'm happy, and that's all that matters. :)

Phil started to cry, he wanted to know more. All the pain, the smiles, everything being gay has put dan through. To be fair, he also wanted to beat the shiz out of Dan's dad... It made Phil think though, with time Martyn would probably accept him, and one day everything would be alright. 

* * *

It was late, so it was time for the Lesters to head home, leaving Martyn in his old person home. Phil sighed and sat in the car, tired from a long day. Suddenly, he remembered. Dan had given him a song to listen to. He picked up his headphones and scrolled up the texts. 

> I saw you in a dream- The Japanese House. xx

"Hm... alright Dan, show me what you got.", as he turned the song on. He didn't feel much at first, until..

> _" I saw you in a dream,_
> 
> _you came to me..._
> 
> _you were the prettiest apparition, such a pretty vision."_

Phil was blushing hardcore. Did Dan.. dream about.. Phil? Phil put a hand over his mouth. He didn't wanna say anything, so he just shallowly rated the song in hopes of hiding his excitement.

 **Phil:** heya :p, just listened. pretty cool song, dig the lyrics. send me more? :] xx.

Phil sighed, and fell asleep to the hum of the car moving throughout the night, dreaming of a pretty little Dan, and a pretty little Phil. 


End file.
